Suffering from back pain that had begun during my last days in Chennai and has been persistent till now and has increased a bit in intensity today . I am sensing that something has gone wrong inside so I am going to be in for a tough time .

I am growing fat and I hate it . I stopped working out regularly since my office life started 2 years back but til now I had been able to stay in shape by regulating my eating but now that I am home , ma and all .. they just do not stop to listen or understand this fact (or any fact for that matter) that with reduced physical activity , the intake of food should also be reduced .

Going through a mental phase of what I would like to term as mild depression for which there are several reasons .
Mainly now that I am back home after spending 6 years of life almost alone and independently , it is hard to get accustomed to people fussing over me , specially when those same people do not understand this fact and stupidly think that I am behaving arrogantly and so they make bad remarks . I have decided to ignore them long time back , but sometimes it is just too much , then I explode .
Secondly I am not getting to live my life the way I want to , and this has been the way since college . I wanted to study zoology but mom and dad went with the current trend and pushed me into engineering , ok fine , now that I am working in a corporate IT company , and earning quite a lot of money and have financial safety and security , I should be happy but I am not , something is missing , I am not able to unchain my thoughts , my mind is intellectually starved .I find teaching more challenging than what I do now , and I proposed this idea to my parents , and they reacted badly , ridiculed me and said I had no ambition . I appreciate their agruments and that they are concerned about me and all but I was hurt and I have to say that they cannot think out of the box , for them the route of life goes like
school -> college -> then either doctor or engineer , sounding like 3 idiots by aamir khan , well it is true , for me it is and I am sure it is for many others . Ambition for my mom means a big salary , big house , cars etc , but how can I make her understand that I really am not so much interested in these , my ambition my quest is to know who I am , and what is life .

I really wish I had a switch to turn of my mind for some time . It feels as if it will explode and I feel I am going insane . I desperately need a break and need to spen some time alone .

I started this blog on the first of january 2011 and named it endless hues , 6 days since and the hues have mostly been somber and dark , waiting for a burst of colors .