Office went just as usual .. had an invitation in the evening , to the 25th marriage anniversary celebration of one of my friend's parents . It was a nice break from the routine life , with old friends reuniting on this occasion and then friendly chatting and teasing , just like old time .... I hate that I am grown up now , but then again , I also love it , There are always two sides to a coin and you can never confidently predict the outcome of a toss .

Today was just another day .... at least till evening it was, then something happened which made the day very special . I was talking to my girlfriend and we were revisiting some old memories back to the time when we were just friends , or even less , good aquaintances maybe . She asked me what shirt I was wearing , I told her and to my joy and surprise she recalled me wearing that shirt on an outing trip we went during that time , from office . She recalled the shirt in such detail that she even mentioned a little red bull that was sewn on the collar ....I felt very very happy , it became a special day for me.

Did some shopping at the book fair yesterday . Didi not buy Schopenhauer as I thought I would , instead I bought Camus and Sartre , I also bought Paulo Cohelo's The Alchemist and two other Bengali books .

There were lot of people at the book fair yesterday , we (my sister and some of her friends were also there) stayed till closing time , so many were there making amateur videos of their friends waling hand in hand and singing, having food , browsing through books etc.

On they way back , we had to fight to get a taxi as the crowd was really big and a lot of people wanted to get a taxi .

We stopped for dinner at a restaurant near home , it was on my suggestion though (an erroneous one as it turned out :) ) . They messed up our orders twice and we ended up eating some things we didn't order , good thing is , they then brought us the actual things and did not charge money for the extra ones .

Came home , switched on the laptop and did some reviewing of some of my friends' writings , then I planned to do some writing of my own but then fell asleep . I slept all through then night with my writing diary open and my head resting on a corner of the laptop keyboard ....and woke up with a headache .... GOOD MORNING.

The weeks seem to end so fast , it feels as if only yesterday it was the previous week end . Maybe because this Wednesday was a holiday . Anyways , so it is Friday night again . Got some new concepts for painting and writing so I am mentally occupied , that is a good thing , another good news for me is that I am slowly breaking out of my writers block .... so look out world , here I come ..!!

OOPS....!!!! almost forgot to make today's blog entry . This day ... sorry ... evening is going perfect hinting towards a perfect night so I do not want to miss a single moment of this ..... so , keeping updates for tomorrow and signing off for today .

The Kolkata Book Fair had started yesterday , this is my most favorite event in the entire year . Today was a holiday so I went to the book fair and spent a long time there . I just love the feeling of being surrounded by books , it gets me in the mood of writing and in my current situation of writer's block , I really could use a break .

Had a much required talk with my cousin today , who is one of my closest friends as well .

Will be going to the fair again this weekend , I did not buy any books today , but next day I will .

Asked mom to make something special for dinner , so she prepared chilly fish .... turns out .... the chilly had a real punch packed in it , moments after tasting the gravy we were groping for water , or something sweet .... but the gravy was really tasty .

Have office again tomorrow so ..... the cycle goes on .

The day went just as usual , however, tomorrow is a holiday since it is 26th January , Republic Day , so I am feeling happy , after all , it is not always that you get to feel the Friday Night Effect on Tuesdays .

This day is just a photocopy of yesterday , so making this entry only for the sake of regularity .

I still haven't watched fiddler on the roof , thought I would watch it today but that was not possible . The morning did not go that well and I was feeling blue and sleepy . Around evening I went to the airport to see off a friend and then another very old friend from school came over . We had a long chat for some 2-3 hours.
Mom went to Chakla and Kachua today with her uncle aunt and sister and their family .
Had dinner , feeling sad that tomorrow is Monday , I am disliking office more and more , if this goes on , I don't know how long I will last . Anyways , will be going off to sleep now .... Good night .

The 22nd day of January 2011 Saturday 11:26pm
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Went to watch the film Dhobi Ghat today with my sister and her friend . Loved the film specially the music and the paintings shown in it . Walked all the way home from the movie hall , which is about 6-7 Kms , with my my sister who came to stay . The cold has not left totally , there is still a comfortable chill in the air that will hug you as you walk through the streets but will not get to your bones .
Namita di has gome to her home for few days , so mom has to do all the work now , she is findind it a bit hard , which , is understandable . Had dinner , and now I am ready for another long long saturday night .... .

21st day of January 2011 Friday 11:12pm
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All set for another long Friday night . Going to watch the movie Fiddler on the roof now . Not much to write today . The day was very uneventful , I hope the night will be livelier .

The 20th day of January 2011 , 10:40pm
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Finally I had a night without any interruptions in my sleep yesterday .There is definitely something that has gone wrong inside my body , the way it keeps paining all the time on the left half starting from shoulders down to the hip and buttocks . I guess bad sleeping habits and an IT job are taking their toll .

Nothing much to write today . I have decided to update my blog a bit earlier because I always find thoughts escaping me after dinner .

I do not know why the time of my posts come as AM , may be because of the time set in the hosting server . I will be writing the date and time at the beginning of my posts from this post onwards .

Had a heavy dinner today , will be going to bed shortly , I hope sleep will come to me .... eventually.

Sleepless nights are getting rather tiresome . Yesterday night I went to bed early but my sleep broke at 2:15 am in the night and I was up till 3:30 am . Stupid dark thoughts were gathering in my mind , but finally I was able to drive them away as I started planning for the road trip across India that I will be making , some time in the near future .

Yesterdays comment should not be misinterpreted as me saying that 3 idiots show escapist mentality , that comment applied only to myself .

Took my brother out for dinner today .

An emotional tempest is raging inside my mind and I feel strange . To quote my favorite lines from a poem by Henry David Thoreau , I feel like :

"I am a parcel of vain strivings tied
by a chance bond together .
Dangling this way and that , their links
were made so loose and wide , methinks for milder weather ."

Finally something good is happening to me amidst all the bad . I am getting back the urge to write again . I am desperate seeking solitude , some quiet time alone and the bad thing is even if I will be able to achieve solitude physically , mental solitude will be hard to get , specially in this current chaotic state of my mind .

Last night went bad though there was some good in the end , lack of sleep is taking its toll and showing through , my left eye was red and watering for 2-3 hours after I woke up , though I think that is due to cold . I find the option of becoming a recluse very tempting , and I know that maybe I am being a escapist as I think about this kind of things , but fact is , I am not going to run from my problems , I am going to tackle them head on, I am indulging in escapist thoughts just to cut my mind some slack . The same principle that was summarized very well in the movie 3 idiots in one line 'AAAAAL IZ WAYYYYYYYYYL '!!! (All is well !!) .

That is it for today , waiting for dinner , though not feeling very hungry , for now I have some physical solitude and the mind is at least not racing trying to solve problems , so , for now , friends

All is well .... !!

The closing hours of another uneventful day , same waking up in the morning , same office rush , same boring typing away at the computer , same ... same ... same ... so little time for free thought .
One nice thing however , I wrote a poem today , had the thought sometime back but was having trouble to frame it into a poem due to my ongoing writers block , happy to have been able to write it .
Waiting eagerly for the book fair which is due to start from next week end , when I can drown myself in books and have some food for my thought .

Spent the morning watching old romantic comedies , and spent the evening watching Schindler's List . Saw it for the first time today . It is amazing ....!!!! Lot to say , keeping it up for tomorrow's update .

Today ended on avery bitter note . Had a very very ugly quarrel/fight with dad . Totally ruined the mood , thought I would write so much today but everything escaped my mind . Only one update , attended the 10th birthday meet-up workshop of Wikipedia today .

Went to a fair (Sabala Mela) , while returning from office . It is a yearly fair organized by ladies , who manufacture all the items that are sold there , ranging from designer clothing , to homemade chocolates to home decoration items , show pieces and even musical instruments like flutes . Bought bags for mom , auntie and my girlfriend .

While returning from office I walk the distance from the bus stand to my home every day . Lately , I have been taking a shortcut , near my home , instead of going along the road , I cross a field . The field generally has a foot worn path but during the rain - winter stretch the path remains unused and is reclaimed by nature .

Today as I got down to the field and started walking across it , I heard the sound of familiar footsteps on the grass following me . I turned to see , it was my dear pet dog , my friend , Tommy . It is not a pet in the sense that it does not stay in our house , rather , technically it is a stray dog , but apart from that , it is a pet in every sense .

I petted him , he was all wet from rolling in the grass that is wet from freshly fallen dew . Tommy started playing with me , jumping up on his hind legs , licking my hands , rolling on the grass and scratching my shoes . This lasted for quite sometime until I realized I was getting late , then I told Tommy to go , he stopped following me but did not go away , just sat where he was and kept wagging his tail , causing me turn and look and wave him bye every few steps .

Decided to add cartoons to my blog , maybe draw my daily life in cartoons , will have to practice a little and then I will , maybe in another two weeks or so . Lets see how that turns out :)

Lots of thoughts in my mind today , but very very disorganized , there is also reason for me to be happy it seems , I am sure this disorganized state of my mind is due to the famous Friday night effect of which I am a victim . Will update all the thoughts tomorrow , for now .... good night.

Another usual day ends , only notable things today were the meals I took .
Had paratha for lunch for the first time in my life .
Had 2 and 1/2 plates of chicken momo after office .
Had a nice dinner of rice , dal and my favorite fish .

Sometimes I just wonder at the waste of the human brain that is continuously happening every day , people falling into a rut , routine daily life , no new ideas , fear to break the routine , usual pleasures of a drink or music etc . I am sure for every 1 person who does something stimulating for his brain , there are 100 others who do not .

The worse thing is , you never know when you have fallen in to a rut . It creeps in stealthily and pushes out your enthusiasm and other thoughts . You have to be careful . I have been noting this thing happening with me , this slow creeping in of routine life and fortunately I have made a preemptive strike ..... hopefully , it will work .

As per the weather department , yesterday was the coldest day in Kolkata in the last seven years . As per me .. I have seen colder days here . For the first time this winter , a thin veil of fog covered the morning landscape . The temperature will be going down if the experts are right .. I , am optimistic .

Today went as usual , though , the breakfast I had today (noodle soup and boiled duck's egg) was different than normal days (jam on toasted bread) . Updating the blog a little sooner than other days . I still have not had my dinner yet .

Seems that the mild depression I was going through is over , but then again too calm and quiet can be a foreshadow of a wild storm .... not worried about it though .

Posted few more poems at poemhunter.com , awaiting feedback from readers .

That's it for today .... will return with another post only if something exceptional happens at dinner .

Another usual day comes to an end , only new thing , a cold wave has hit Kolkata and it is very cold outside , not that I mind , I love it . I was longing to have chicken soup for dinner today and fortunately my aunt had prepared some so my wish was fulfilled .

Going to chat with my girlfriend over the phone now for some time and then I will sleep .

Posted some of my poems on poemhunter.com today . It really feels nice to have comments from others , one of the main reasons social networking sites are so popular ....

for , human beings , are after all , social animals ..... they like to reach out and reach in .

Hello ... any one out there ??

Was down with some strange sickness , that , I believe , was more in the mind than in the body . Found that I could not get started in the morning . Last night went bad , had no sleep at all and I sweated a lot , not that I am worried , but I am curious to know the reasons why my health is failing on me sometimes like it never did before .

Spent the day relaxing and getting some sleep . Went out for a walk at dusk like I always do when I have the free time . That took away the constant headache that I have been having since morning , right now I am feeling alright .

I am going through lot of turbulence in my life and I believe that if I do not sort it out soon , it is going to become a bad mess , so I need to spend time and thought towards solving this .

Feeling like going and meeting my girlfriend but it is not that easy . I am missing her very very much .

This problem that I am in , it is quite complicated if I want to solve everything tactfully keeping everybody happy but then again that will require time and this bomb is running a very short fuse that will probably explode before that . I cannot afford to become an extremist and end everything in a blow because that might and probably will ruin a lot of relations .

I am feeling lonely and sad ..... I wish someone understood and I am keeping my hopes high someone will , in the end .

If all fails and there is a just cause still remaining , then I will rebel .

Uneventful day today . Relaxed at home . Went out for a walk at dusk . No sorry , I just remembered , I did my first car accident while practicing . Hit a standing rickshaw from the back . The embarrassing thing was that nothing happened to the rickshaw , but the bumper of our car broke .... fiber mudguards are rubbish .

Yesterday night lasted long indeed , I stayed up till 4 am , as a result got up late , 9:40 am I woke up to the thundering sound of drums , it was a religious procession passing by our house .

It was a very busy day today . Went to attend a party with mom . This is the first time I went to a 5 star hotel . It is one in the swissotel chain of hotels . The party was nice and the food great and they also gave us tickets for the movie gulliver's travels . The movie was a lot better than I expected it to be . While leaving they also gave each a gift pack , containing a bottle of white wine , a box of chocolates , a cake , and a card case . Overall it was very nice .

It is my uncle's birthday today , I gifted him a nice shawl . After reaching home from the party we celebrated his birthday with cake cutting and flowers and had fun .

Today evening was a great evening . My friend Kaushik called from Australia he is one of my closest friends from school and my two other closest friends from school Buku and Andy also came online and 4 of us had a great time together after a long time .

My sister has come to stay , so now I am going to chat with her , after that I am going to watch a bit of this movie , and then a bit of that one and then another , and then another ...ha ha .... oh yeah....yes sir .... it is going to be a long long night again.

' Think about ripples on the surface of a pond , caused by raindrops that have recently stopped falling'... read a line in the penultimate handwritten slide used by Sir. Roger Penrose , in his seminar titled : Mathematical beauty and its implications in modern science : at the S.Chandrashekhar memorial lecture held at Science City today , that I had the good fortune to attend . The above line was there in an explanation to a question : Was there an universe before our universe began ?
The hall was packed , almost 800 people came to attend , the hall could accomodate only 500 (luckily I was one of them) , the rest had to make do by watching on the t.v. that they put up outside the hall .
It was really a nice experience . I mentioned that line because it is still ringing in my ears , I love the word 'raindrops' and found the line very picteresque.

Felt really great to recieve comments on my blog from one of my oldest and dearest friends !!

I am going through a writer's block for quite some time now , and it is very irritating , and finally out of sheer desperation I wrote a poem 2 days back , after a very long time .

A strange feeling takes over me which I have named 'The Friday Night Effect' , that is it feels like my arms and legs have come loose and my mind is moving slower , an effect more identified as the result of intoxication , but for me I am yet to find the intoxicant .

I have decided to take up reading extensively again and this time my reading matter would be more specific to philosophy , languages and parts of quantum physics , the Kolkata book fair is scheduled to start from 26th Jan , planning to buy the Upanishads and books by Schopenhauer.
Feeling likw writing some more , but somehow not able to write , words are getting jumbled up and strings of thoughts are getting tangled up , friday night effect again maybe .
This night is going to be a long one , most of my Friday nights are beacuse I try to stretch them as much as possible .. so signing off for now , will return with another post if something else comes to mind .

Suffering from back pain that had begun during my last days in Chennai and has been persistent till now and has increased a bit in intensity today . I am sensing that something has gone wrong inside so I am going to be in for a tough time .

I am growing fat and I hate it . I stopped working out regularly since my office life started 2 years back but til now I had been able to stay in shape by regulating my eating but now that I am home , ma and all .. they just do not stop to listen or understand this fact (or any fact for that matter) that with reduced physical activity , the intake of food should also be reduced .

Going through a mental phase of what I would like to term as mild depression for which there are several reasons .
Mainly now that I am back home after spending 6 years of life almost alone and independently , it is hard to get accustomed to people fussing over me , specially when those same people do not understand this fact and stupidly think that I am behaving arrogantly and so they make bad remarks . I have decided to ignore them long time back , but sometimes it is just too much , then I explode .
Secondly I am not getting to live my life the way I want to , and this has been the way since college . I wanted to study zoology but mom and dad went with the current trend and pushed me into engineering , ok fine , now that I am working in a corporate IT company , and earning quite a lot of money and have financial safety and security , I should be happy but I am not , something is missing , I am not able to unchain my thoughts , my mind is intellectually starved .I find teaching more challenging than what I do now , and I proposed this idea to my parents , and they reacted badly , ridiculed me and said I had no ambition . I appreciate their agruments and that they are concerned about me and all but I was hurt and I have to say that they cannot think out of the box , for them the route of life goes like
school -> college -> then either doctor or engineer , sounding like 3 idiots by aamir khan , well it is true , for me it is and I am sure it is for many others . Ambition for my mom means a big salary , big house , cars etc , but how can I make her understand that I really am not so much interested in these , my ambition my quest is to know who I am , and what is life .

I really wish I had a switch to turn of my mind for some time . It feels as if it will explode and I feel I am going insane . I desperately need a break and need to spen some time alone .

I started this blog on the first of january 2011 and named it endless hues , 6 days since and the hues have mostly been somber and dark , waiting for a burst of colors .

Vanity is so , so , important in this world .... and I hate money and I hate the fact that I cannot do without it . Often feel like leaving everything and going but then again I am so closely bound by the bonds of life and living that binds a human being . In no mood to write anything . Sometimes , I wish that I was not born at all . Have to keep today's updates for tomorrow .

Ofiice went as usual . I have recently formed a new habit , well two actually .

There is a little shop just opposite my office , that sells momos at the rate of 6 pieces for 20 rupees , they are delicous and I am sure , can compete with momos in any reputed restaurant but cost 5 times lesser . I have started regularly having a plate or two . My office is located a bit out of city and the area does not have good means of conveyance , so office is providing free bus service now . The bus leaves at 6:40 pm . I come out of my cubicle at 6:35 , rush to the momo shop and gobble down a plate or two hoping (always successfully getting) to catch the bus in the less than a minute of time left , rushing from the shop while the driver is starting up . This 10 minute phase has almost become a routine and I call it The Race Against Time .... !!

Once in the bus I always go to the last window side seat . The lights near the back seats do not work so there is a soothing darkness there , I open the windows and wait for the bus to start , and once it does , I sing at the top of my voice , any bits and pieces of songs that I know , in any language , sometmes in my own tune . It takes 30 mins for the bus to reach the destination , I sing all the way , it feels great.

Got news yesterday that my uncle is sick , went to visit him today . Met up with two of my favorite cousins as a result and had a great time . We ordered food from outside and my sister wanted to pay , but I did not allow her , I paid instead so she kept the money in my pocket , while leaving , I made some lame excuse to make her go out and in that while I tried to hide the money somewhere in the room (planning to tell her after I was gone) , but she saw through my trick and caught me red handed and we had great fun laughing and trying to persuade each other that the other was mistaken . Finally I did persuade her to keep the money .

Usual day ... went to office , came home and saw that my brother and his friend has constructed an external water filter for our aquarium . Felt nice to see them making something , reminded me of my own creative sprees and evoked a lot of memories . I joined in the construction and testing of the filter as well .
This reminded me that I have to continue working on making a zoom lens for my digital camera .
I started working on it while I was in college 2nd year , that time the aim was to build a telescope but then I did not complete it .
This is a problem with me . I a fickle minded person , my interests shift from subject to subject , or maybe I am not , because you are bound to lose interest in doing something if you do not get motivation , inspiration and encouragement , something which I did not have the good fortune to get .
Another problem that has also aggravated a little in recent times is questioning myself : 'What is the use ?' before doing anything , I have long since had the realization that death is there in the end and that this earthly life full circle i.e. absolute zero , I mean , I was not there before I was born , I take birth , mature , die , and I am not there again . Sounding pessimistic .... ? people might think so , but I wonder , what are we ? my quest has shifted to answers for questions that still lie in the unanswered domains of science and spirituality . Because , just think , that the very fact that I write this blog is because we are able to think , because we have a mind , all this that is around us is because we are able to perceive it . Deprive a human being of its senses and the result becomes similar to a piece of rock , that is just there without any apparent reason .
Rene Descartes said .... "I think therefore I am" ... I could not agree more .

Not feeling like writing much .... went to the zoo today with family .. had fun .